Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
