so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
