...so i touched it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your penis caused this!
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