After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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