Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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