He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
