Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
