oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
