I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
