Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
