i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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