i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
