I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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