Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
