I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
