Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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