She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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