guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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