I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
