Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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