i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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