first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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