I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
