Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
