Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We have so much sex to catch up on
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
