It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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