the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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