I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
