Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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