I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
