Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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