how can u be prego again
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
