I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
