Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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