I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We're too hungover to prance.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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