nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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