My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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