So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
