so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
