This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
