I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
