We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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