he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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