so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i now understand why vodka
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
