Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
