I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
