Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
