She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
