we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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