We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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