Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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