Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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