im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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